Part 4 - Day 10

Day 10 - Saturday, August 1
Today was a bit rough. I'm not going to lie. I've tried to be positive throughout the past 9 days but there have definitely been times that, when I'm sitting alone in my house, with the buzzing constant in my right ear, that I have broken down crying. I didn't mention it on Day 9's blog but my dad picked me up in Oakville after the Dr's, and drove me home, and although I tried not to be down, as soon as he dropped me off and I closed the door of my house, I bawled like a baby. I mean, really, prednisone? My dog took this when she had cancer. My grandmother, who's over 80, took it after her stroke. It's serious stuff. I never thought I'd have to take a drug like this. It's hard to believe that in one minute, you are completely healthy, and then in the next you're taking 3 drugs - one for dizziness, one to protect your stomach, and a steroid to try to correct your inner ear issues... insane.
Anyways, I woke up on Saturday, thinking surely I would be able to hear, but again there was nothing. I have been trying to think of this as a positive. I've always been a very light sleeper, so much so that I have made a habit of getting up in the middle of the night and closing my windows so that the chirping of birds doesn't wake me up at 4 am. I don't have to do that anymore. I just roll onto my good ear and I don't hear anything. This is convenient. But then when I turn over and I hear the birds, suddenly the sound I've always found so annoying at 4 am is the most beautiful sound to my good ear. I want to keep listening to them chirping away.
I've found that the best thing for me is to keep busy. I've got to move in just over three weeks, so I have packing and some shopping to do. Shopping is definitely more fun than packing, so I called my mom to see if she wanted to go bed shopping with me. I try to draw out the day so it's as long and packed as possible. And I even found a fantastic bed at an amazing price. I mean, I actually felt like I had robbed the poor sales guy when we left. I've never bartered before. Perhaps my new hearing loss has made me more apt to try new things like that.
I'm really feeling angry at our medical system. I know that part of it is must my natural anger as part of my grieving process at losing my hearing (which I'm still sure is going to come back!!!) But seriously, I saw 3 Doctors and none of them thought it was urgent fo rme to see a Specialist, and then I had to use personal contacts to get into the ENT clinic, and was told ultimately that it might be too late to regain my hearing. Imagine if the Doctor that I saw first, less than 12 hours after my hearing loss, had done something about it. Or even the 2nd Doctor, 72 hours afterwards. Then my prognosis would have been very positive. I'm so frustrated with this. I can completely empathise with Shona Holmes, the Canadian woman who is now on the US ads against changing to a public health system like ours after having to go to the Mayo Clinic in Arizona for treatment for her brain tumour. In emergencies, there should be an opportunity to use whatever resources you have to get the help you need. I'm so lucky that I knew people who knew other people who could help. OK that's my venting for Saturday. I'm sure I'll have more to say on later days.
It's only my second day on the steroids. Certainly, a few more, and I'll start to hear something!